How to look Parmesan in the spring

Even if it is still snowing sporadically in the mountains and an ash cloud is taking over the European continent, it is officially spring, and there are tiny flowers covering the fields to prove it. As such, it is time for a fashion update.

Feel free to continue wearing your purple coats and scarves despite the fact that when the sun graces you the day’s temperature climbs as high as the low seventies. This clothing option is particularly fashionable if you are planning on making out on the swelteringly sunny park lawns.

If you are ready for a change, however, here’s what you do:
Ladies
You must acquire a khaki trench coat, à la Burberry, at your desired length. If you refuse this option, go for a chic, sleek leather jacket. Either choice is a perfect companion for dresses or jeans.
Put on those sunglasses you couldn’t wear during those gray winter months. Make sure they are huge and cover most of your face so everyone knows how much you really really care about sun protection.
Get yourself some ankle-length slacks, all the better to show off those suede pumps as you pedal away on your bike or totter along on the cobblestones. Good luck not breaking your ankles; unlike a real Italian woman, you haven’t been mastering these skills for your whole life.
If, instead, you’d rather wear a skirt or a dress, make sure you are wearing hose or tights, preferably sheer, but anything is better than bare legs. Patterned tights that from far away make you look like you have a skin disease are fine if you are young enough to probably not have one. If you dare to go bare, put on those boots you bought right when the weather decided to go from freezing to warm. You can get those studded moccasin-looking ones or the fringe-covered ones that make you look like a wannabe-Clydesdale. On the upside, if you refuse to wear hosiery, people will probably assume you are wearing nude tights, anyway.

Gentlemen
Things haven’t changed much for you. Keep wearing those whiskered jeans with crazy seams. If you’re feeling a little more athletic, ignore the fact that everyone told you that no one Ever wears sweatpants in Italy. Since you didn’t bring any thanks to this erroneous advice, go to London Corner, where all the cool kids go, which is conveniently having a sale right now. Get those sweat pants that are, curiously, branded ‘Always Jeans.’
If you feel inclined to wear girly bracelets, sunglasses with rhinestones, or a pink scarf, feel free. Trust that no one will question your masculinity if you compensate by hitting on every woman who passes by. After all, spring is in the air.
Optimal eyewear for you is the ever-classy aviator. On your feet, opt for snazzy sneakers (or trainers, as they call them here) that may or may not actually be useful for any athletic activity.

Don’t forget, the one accessory that suits everyone and never goes out of style – a dog! Bonus points if it resembles you.